The deal is that expressing what we really feel and just plain 'getting it all out' makes it possible to feel good again and even to return to thinking clearly. In the next installment of this series, we'll look at some effective and appropriate ways of going about this. But first, in an effort to demonstrate WHY expressing works, I drew you a picture, see? Okay, five pictures.

IT BEGINS

Whether someone laughs at our shoes, whops us in the face, or takes the last bacon-wrapped cocktail wiener at the going away party for our niece's boss, SOMETHING disturbs our peace. Our feelings get hurt. The more we break it down to the very NANOSECOND that some kinda crap hit the fan, the quicker it is to see that INITIALLY we feel fear. We're afraid we're stupid or afraid we're in bodily danger or afraid we won't be able to get what we want.

WE PROCESS

Sometimes it takes a split second, sometimes we sit on it for days and weeks, but our brain puts two and two and five together and it all adds up to pissed. Or hurt. Or betrayed. The more we think about it and remember "all those times" and "how many times they said" and what we'd "do a whole lot differently now", the more pissed we get. Or the more hurt we feel. Or the more obvious it is that we've been betrayed. (If the tale of our emotions ends here, then, unfortunately, the decision to repress introduces a new plot. Either one of addiction or of illness and physical ailment or of spousal, child, or self abuse. But it doesn't have to be that way...)

WE LET IT ALL FLY

Keeping our true feelings at a rolling boil inside is not only impossible, it's F'ing miserable. Sure, we have the option of taking the tabloid route and going ape in a crowded restaurant. There are, however, less embarrassing and far more beneficial methods. If we take time out to consciously feel the feelings -- cry, kick, scream, and basically rock the house -- then we can keep going and keep on feeling and keep on expressing until...

Aaaahhhh.

...there's nothing left to express. Finally, there's nothing in the pit of our stomach grabbing us by the throat. Finally, peace. Finally, okayness. Sometimes SO MUCH has been taken out of us that we need to lay back and chill. Maybe even check out and snooze a while. Either way, some good, healthy down time is long overdue about now.

WE RESET AND REFILL

All those heavy feelings and swirling thoughts took up a lot of room. Now that they're outta the way, we can set our sights on everything we WANT to think about and experience. We're free to fill back up with what just simply feels good. There's fun to be had, remember?

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