The previous segment drives home the point that getting all those crappy thoughts and
feelings out of us is the way to feeling good again. Absolutely true. But in order to KEEP ON
feeling good as long as possible, the whole matter of expressing our negativity has to be done
responsibly. If we're choosing an inappropriate place to express our feelings or if we're creating
negative crap for OTHERS in the name of "getting it all out", well then, chances are very high
they're gonna give our crap right back to us...
and probably pile on some more! So, let's get reeeaaaal clear as to our objectives here:
- We're taking a good look at WHAT'S rattling our chain.
- We're letting all those bottled-up, unwanted feelings OUT.
- We're finding a way to get it all out that does not harm anyone else
or affect anyone negatively.
- We're even making sure we don't create more drama around us
or escalate any ongoing or tense situations.
- We're doing all this so we can hop in, grab the steering wheel, and
head straight for Feel Good County with nothing holding us back!
And before we get rolling here, let's take a look at a real obvious way of getting rid of our hurt
feelings and inner conflict: discussing it with anyone who might be part of the reason we feel
this way. If you can sit down together and discuss what's going on with a shared hope of resolving
things, then you certainly will. In order to get to that point of rational discussion, however, there
are strong feelings and impulses that we need to have completely worked through. THAT is where
these methods can help. And, hey, a lot of the time the idea of sitting and "working it all out"
with someone simply isn't possible. Lots of times WE wanna get to peace and all they wanna
do is stir the caldron. Again, these exercises help YOU get YOU back to balance and feeling good
no matter what anyone else is doing.
JOURNALLING
Something happens as you put onto paper each thought, word, and idea that's been spinning
in your brain in an endless loop. It seems to transfer from inside you to outside of you. Look,
if a situation has been driving you bananas, it's a pretty cool trick. Give it a try. And the computer's
fine, too. Some find the paper and pen do a left brain - right brain number that can't be beat so
you may wanna try it both ways.
And, look... don't be shy about getting right into the groove. Just putting it all down EXACTLY
the way it feels right this minute without thinking you "should" be more tolerant or you "should"
be any way in particular. This is YOUR paper, YOUR computer screen, YOUR time to express exactly
what YOU think and wish would happen and feel like doing right now. Afterwards you can
sit back and decide how to proceed. Ongoing situations like those with workmates, classmates,
siblings, parents, or authority figures usually require a series of journallings in order to get
every thought and feeling from their various hiding places. Once you start to FEEL the results,
you'll find that setting aside a little time every day to journal will help make sure you stay
on top of your game.
AN APPOINTMENT WITH THIN AIR
That's right. Set aside some time to be alone or, if it's private enough, just close the door behind you.
Take a seat in a nice comfortable spot -- hell, pace back and forth if that feels better -- and start to
describe out loud what's going on. If there's someone you are particularly upset with, talk to them
as if they were right there across from you. Keeping in mind the objective of being free of
sucky feelings and never having to think about any of this anymore, tell them exactly what you think,
exactly what you feel, and exactly what you want. Just keep on telling and talking and putting it
all out there until you're done. Much like the journalling thing, something about this practice
changes the situation for us.
GOOD,
OLD-FASHION EMOTING
Even when we see clearly that "these things just happen sometime" or that the other guy isn't
totally to blame we still have feelings. It still sucks. It still feels horrid. No amount of intellectual
clarity will clear away piles of emotional garbage making a mess of everything inside us.
Sometimes you just absolutely have to let it out until...
...there's nothing left to express. Finally, there's nothing in the pit of our stomach grabbing us
by the throat. Finally, peace. Finally, okayness. Sometimes SO MUCH has been taken out of us
that we need to lay back and chill. Maybe even check out and snooze a while.
Either way, some good, healthy down time is long overdue about now.
Go somewhere absolutely private. Where you're safe to say what you need to say and be as
animated as you need to be without being seen, heard, or bothered. If you're able to be alone
at home, just lay on the bed face down, maybe put your head in a pillow.
Just start making whatever sounds FEEL like they need to come out.
AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
or
UUUUUUUHHHHH!
or
ANYTHING!
Even if you are completely alone, one reason it may help to make your sounds into a pillow is
so that your inhibitions are not influenced by your own volume. This is about LETTING IT OUT! DO!!
And do it throughly. We want these icky feelings COMPLETELY outta the way so there's room
for much better ones. Just like with journalling it out, talking it out, or even exercising it out,
keep emoting and sounding out your feelings until there's nothing else to come out. It is very important
to come to a peaceful, relaxed place before calling it quits. Afterwards, relax completely.
Oh, and...
...be sure and give yourself plenty of time to see these exercises through to completion. At least
set aside an afternoon and do not have anything you've just GOTTA DO afterward. These practices
will not yield the results we're after if we feel too rushed or pressured to throughly come to peace inside.
If, however, we give each practice total dedication and really, really wanna get to
a place inside that feels waaaay better, then the results can be mind-blowing.
-- Rob Moore
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